Take nothing for granted

A friend of mine (who just happens to be my only reader) once said on her blog “Don’t take anything for granted. Because In a flash, the things you thought you had could be gone…”. To many people, that’s just emo whining. If you would have asked me last year, I would have agreed with them. However, few people know what it is like to lose the one thing you thought you could always count on. The one thing that you could always believe in. To lose all faith, your entire belief system, is the worst fucking thing in the world.
Last July, I was sitting at my computer, bored, watching Youtube videos. I had noticed that my parents were acting kinda weird, and it was pissing me off, but I paid no real attention to it. Then one night, I found out that my happy family was going to be broken up. My parents were going to be getting divorced. My entire life, my parents seemed happy together. As I grew up, my friends parents got divorces, but my parents stayed strong. “Don’t worry, honey,” my mother would say, “your father and I will never get a divorce, we love each other very much.” Even if they had a fight, they’d get over it the same day.

I won’t go into the details of what caused them to split up, though, I think many of you already know what happened. Needless to say, I felt betrayed. Growing up, I was always lead to believe that no matter what, I could try my parents. I was supposed to be able to look up to them. This was the very definition of betrayal.

My parents then decided that they would try to work things out. They would go to marriage counseling, they would try to work out their differences. Great! The illusion was back. I felt cautiously happy. Then January hit. I discovered that nothing had changed. My parents would still be getting divorced. My dad would have to move out, into some shitty apartment, which is literally a 5 minute walk from my work. The house would be put up for sale ($399,900 for those interested). The illusion was once again gone.

So now I get to go bouncing between my house, and my dad’s place, hearing each parent bitch about the other, despite the fact that 12 short months ago, they claimed to love each other. Then they have the nerve to tell me that if I ever need to talk, I can talk to them. Or if I have any questions, I can feel free to ask. What the hell am I supposed to say or ask? The situation seems pretty obvious to me. My parents no longer love each other, so as a result, me and my sister have to suffer living in two places, losing our home, losing our sense of security and hearing our parents constantly complain about each other. Maybe I’m supposed to say something like, “What? Oh, you’ve been having these feelings for three years now? Then why the fuck didn’t you go to counseling at that time? Or at least deal with your problems when they came up, as opposed to waiting until everything went FUBAR?”. Seriously, it’s touching that my parents started together because of my sister and I. It really is. But reminding me of that every god damn time we talk about the divorce (ok every time they try to talk about the divorce) doesn’t make me feel too good.

Once again, I’m starting to go off topic and just ramble. My point is that nothing lasts forever, and like it or not, everything you take for granted will one day disappear. Unfortunately, it won’t be until then that you realize how important to you that stuff is.

One last point. I had an argument with the friend I quoted above about a week ago. We were arguing about whether or not people ever change. She said no, while I was arguing yes. My experience over the past year has showed me that people do change. Just never for the better.

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~ by Travis on June 3, 2007.

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